Are you happy, sayang?

I went to Hairil's wedding the other day. My first Malay wedding really, after you left. And I had to hold back tears when I saw Hairil kissed his wife's forehead after the akad. You did that to me, remember? And it felt so good. And real. It felt like forever. What happened, sayang?

And I had a dream about you on Saturday night. I was in Bangkok. I can't recall what it was about, but it was about you. I remember a bit though. I rested my head on your chest and I could smell the fabric softener from your t-shirt. It was a grey t-shirt. It felt very familiar. What happened, sayang?

Farris added a few photos of you into his Facebook. There is this one photo of you and Muzam that caught my eyes. You and friends and your usual antics. Looking at it, I just had to smile. And I felt as if I betrayed my wounded heart. It is, apparently, still wounded and bleeding. What happened, sayang?

My subconscious is counting days to the anniversary. Our anniversary. Our divorce anniversary. It will be a year soon. So fast. So sad. Are you happy, sayang?